K&M Bar

225 N. 8th St. (btw Roebling & Driggs)
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 388-3088080808080808

Bathroom situation - two of them in the middle of the spot: one with a urinal, one without. They're a bit grimier than the rest of the bar (which is going for some kind of Boho meets SoHo slickness), but they're fully functional and non-deplorable. Don't try to sneak in for some quick anal with your gf/bf tho cuz there's usually a line for both BRs and they will chatroulette that if you make them wait [ed. shit, that better not be a fad...]
Takes credit cards? - no...you can buy men's socks at Duane Reade with a credit card tho.
Crowded on weekends? - Gucci mane has a song called "Stupid Wild" that goes "Stupid wild, super stupid wild, homie check my style." Now, Pitchfork hasn't reported that he wrote it about K&M on the weekend...but they also didn't report that he didn't write it about K&M on the weekends. Just asking questions.
Seating - a couple tables & bar stools in the front room and that's about it, Elizabeth. This place is designed for mingling and bumping into your next gf/bf that it won't work out with.
Neighborhood - the part of Williamsburg that doesn't give a shit if a Cavs/Nuggets game is on, or who wins (fuggin 'Melo).
Pretentious/assholes - (Sawyer voice) Hell yes. Eh, if you've even heard of this place, you're prolly a bit of an asshole anyway, so no worries. No one's gonna clown on the frames you got cuz Kid Cudi wore them in the "Pursuit of Happiness" video...to your face. Your fugly face, btw.
Cost of Stella - Visceralist hasn't been here in a while, but we seem to remember that they only had Stella by the bottle. Matta fact...they may not have had any taps. Fuck. Commenters, wanna sponsor a fact-finding mission? Visceralist has a PayPal account. [ed. Quit lyin.] Visceralist can probably get a PayPal account.
What time people start showing up - bout an hour after their friend said they were showing up....so, sometime tomorrow (shouts out to Conan's Tonight Show potentially starting at 12:05am).
Bartender efficiency - Visceralist wanted to fill this space with an animated gif of a panda falling off a slide and landing on its head. No such gif exists, so you'll have to look at this and imagine the rest:


Official Website - here. It's a MySpace page, so make sure you've installed Microsoft Security Essentials before clicking the link (or just go right ahead if you're using a Mac).
Food? How late - Visceralist tried to sneak a cheeseburger in here under a winter coat once and the bouncer smelled it right away and smooshed it up against our chest before telling us that no food was allowed. Sucks too, cuz we were wearing our one cool shirt that night. [ed. Don't try to buy that shirt online, btw...Reason's customer service is the bullshit.]
TVs? What's on - they have a big screen onto which they project arthouse shit like "Fargo" and "Red vs. Blue" and suchlike.
Guy:girl ratio - Allegedly, "It ain't trickin if you got it." But really...even if you're paid...if you gotta buy every drink and every dinner and (even worse) your love-interest expects you to do as such all the time...is that really a life you wanna be living? Commenters, please...showlite!
Toys - um, bragging to people who haven't been here yet prolly counts, so...
Age of clientele - Visceralist has one 21 yr old friend who somehow has not only heard of, but already gotten bored of places we haven't even gotten let into yet. Even when we went there with a cute chick on a Wednesday night. Fuck...never get old.
Space for dancing? - (Dead Prez voice) Hell yeah. It's funny that this place gets so much love for having a great dancing area and mediocre - decent DJs when Supreme Trading is half a block away. Anyway, K&M's backroom is basically that scene from Saturday Night Fever (via Madonna's "Ray of Light" vid).
ID Check Procedure - [ed. rolls eyes]
Music medium, style & volume - Visceralist doesn't really remember, but according to Yelp, they play a lot of "hipster music" so we imagine it's mostly Bukowski poems set to Yoko Ono songs (her new shit).
Specials or most popular drink - if you have to ask, you've prolly never been cheated on.
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